What happens next?
by fanatic707
Summary: SV or course...summary inside
1. Thoughts

This is my first Alias fanfic...I hope you like it...it's pretty much just leads to and includes the conversation Syd and Vaughn are inevitably going to have to have...I don't really know if the story will go any further...we'll see how you like it...  
  
I'd really love for some comments...they keep the story going...  
  
I don't own Alias or any of it's characters (even though I wouldn't mind owning Vaughn = )  
  
Here we go:  
  
**Thoughts (Vaughn POV)**  
  
I have never felt so lost in my entire life, but at the same time I know I'm so close to being found. I need her more than I need the air I'm breathing, but I don't deserve her. I love her and would give my life to save her from any hurt, and I caused her the most unimaginable pain. I don't know how to live with that. I need to know how she feels, I need to know if she can forgive me then maybe I can forgive myself.  
  
The kiss, oh the kiss. The last time I've ever been so happy was when we shared a similar moment in the middle of the SD-6 offices. That moment the world stopped spinning and everyone disappeared except us. I swear I was in heaven. After everything I was standing there again...this time in a different setting, holding her, kissing her, feeling her. I could barely breathe and that wasn't because I had a punctured lung. She brought me to life with that one kiss, she saved me, she always saves me. Even if it's with a quick smile in passing.  
  
I always tried to live my life without regrets, not my mind is filled with them. Every night I race through everything I could've done to avoid what happened. What if I would've gone in with Sydney that night, or brought her home with me? What if I didn't give up on her, if I would've searched more? What if I would've waited? What ifs...they accomplish nothing but still I can't get them out of my head. I can't get her out of my head and I don't want to. She's my everything and without her I'm not longer here, I disappear with her.  
  
Lauren. She killed me, maybe not physically but every other way imaginable. She stole my life from me, she stole Sydney. I would have rather died then ever met her. She's gone, but the pain she cause isn't, it's still here, it's still with Sydney. I made Lauren go away now I need to work on her lasting memories. Lauren to me is just another name for hate.  
  
Sydney, Sydney is my life, my existence, me. She completes who I am and gives my life meaning. Making her smile is the best feeling in the world. Knowing I could comfort her, that she could talk to me, that was the biggest honor I've ever been blessed with. I have to admit, when she started turning to Eric with her problems it hurt. But at least she was okay, at least she had someone, and I knew Eric would treat her amazingly. Her skin is smooth and warm, her fingertips send my body to ecstasy. Her eyes read mine and she knows exactly what I'm thinking. Her embrace is my home. Her smile is my heartbeat. Now I just need to tell her. 


	2. The Drive

Sorry bout the shortness of the last chapter I'm new at this hehe...but thanks tons for the pointers...I can use as many as I can get!...with finals coming up I don't have a great amount of time to update but I'll definitely try

Yea and again I don't own Alias =(  
  
**_The Drive_**  
  
Sydney's house was only about a ten minute drive from Vaughn's house but it took him about two hours to actually get there. The first five were spent getting himself in the car. The next two gaining the courage to start it. On his way to her house he suddenly realized he had no idea what he was going to say so he continued past her house and found himself as the pier. He sat in his car and just stared at where him and Sydney talked years before. He could picture her, hear her, feel her hand warm his. He thought that they were in a tough situation back then, he could never have imagined what would happen in the future. Back then he was her savior, her ally.  
  
_Flashback_  
  
"I'm sorry to call you, I just didn't know who else to call..."  
  
Knowing that she even called, for whatever reason, knowing she could trust him, made his heart skip a beat. As she spilled her heart to him he finally received the hard evidence that this strong resilient young women was just as vulnerable as anyone else. And he realized he could be the one to save her from that pain. Her tears broke his heart. Suddenly he had the impulse to make sure she knew.  
  
"Okay, listen to me. There's something you need to know. When you first walked into my office with that stupid Bozo hair, I thought you were crazy. I thought you might actually be a crazy person. But I watched you, and I read your statement, and I've seen... I've seen how you think, I've seen how you work, I've seen how you are in this job. In this job, you see darkness. You see the worst in people and though the jobs are different and the missions change, and the enemies have a thousand names, the one crucial thing, the one real responsibility you have is to not let your rage, and your resentment, and your disgust, darken you. When you're at your absolute lowest, at your most depressed, just remember that you can always... you know. You got my number."  
  
Then her hand slipped onto his. Probably just an act of thanks but to him it meant the world. Ever since that day he knew, he knew that Sydney Bristow could do something to him no one else could. She could make him feel like he never has before. And for the rest of his life he would fight to save that. Or so he thought.  
  
_End Flashback_

Within the next hour he had driven to the buffs, the observatory, the train station, the park, and finally the first restaurant they ate at together, actually being able to sit at the same table and talk while looking into each other's eyes. After remembering each conversation and each feeling he had while with her he knew that he didn't need to know what to say, once he saw her the words would just come out, he hoped.  
  
Finally he pulled into her drive way. He closed his eyes for a minute and imagined that he was just coming home from work to Sydney. He'd walk in using his key and she'd greet him with a short but provoking kiss which he would return with a longer, deeper hello. Just like they used to do. He'd cook her dinner or vice-versa and they'd just talk over dinner about everything and nothing. Then he'd be able to slip his arms around her and settle themselves on the couch until eventually they'd move into the bedroom and he'd watch her sleep. Just like before. But that wasn't the situation he was in. But he prayed that if this went well one day that could be his reality.  
  
He opened his door and made the walk which seemed to take forever to reach the door. As he went to knock he saw his watch read 12:30.Although it was late he couldn't turn back now. He was finally here there was no running now. Reluctantly he forced his hands to make a sound connecting with the hard wood. He heard the shuffling of feet and watched the door knob turn slowly then took a deep breathe and didn't let it go. 


	3. Answer the door

one more chapter till the actual coversation!

**_Answer the Door  
_**  
Sydney was, as usual, laying in bed just thinking. There was no way she would ever even expect to fall asleep before 2 am, when her eyelids just got too heavy to hold. Even then she'd toss and turn for about another ½ hour. She couldn't remember the last time she slept through the whole night without the aid of Tylenol PM or a valium. She was tired but her mind was wired. She was thinking of everything but mostly, like all other nights, she was thinking of Vaughn.

Before North Korea she mainly thought of their past, how they used to be. How he used to whisper her name in the middle of the night to see if she was asleep. Even is she was awake she'd almost never answer. He'd lean down kiss her forehead and utter another whisper, "goodnight." That would launch her into the sweetest of dreams. But she didn't have that anymore so all she could do was remember.  
  
After North Korea she started thinking about their future. If they could ever manage to have one. She could see herself falling asleep in his arms again whispering sweet nothings to her. Those thoughts could've single handedly killed her. But then again they were what she lived for. She wasn't sure she forgave him, yet she knew she needed him in her life, he was Vaughn. That's all she had to say to explain it to herself.  
  
But tonight she got to think about the kiss. That kiss sent all of her emotions in all different directions. She didn't even know how she was feeling, relieved, happy, scared, anxious, all of the above plus another 100. At that moment she didn't care, she was with Vaughn and more importantly Vaughn was with her. What made it so perfect was that there was no talking, no discussing how her hurt her, no talking about what happens next. But she knew the conversation would eventually surface and she had to be ready for it. She's prepared for thousands of debriefs and meetings but you can't prepare for a conversation with Vaughn. When she's with him thoughts escape her and all she's left with is words. Words that may not even make sense but somehow to him they always do. The problem: she can't control them, her emotions do. And when she's with Vaughn there's no chance of controlling her emotions.  
  
At first she thought she was imagining the knocking but then she heard it a second time. She wasn't even going to get out of bed. Whoever it was maybe they'd just go away. But in her line of work you never knew what could happen and if you got a phone call at 2am you had to answer the phone and if there was a knock on your door at 1230 you had to answer the door. She rolled out of her bed and managed to get herself to the door. There were only two people she imagined standing there; Her father with bad news or Weiss with liquor. She was praying it would be Eric. For two reasons- He made her laugh and the alcohol made her numb. As she slowly opened the door those green eyes were the last things she expected to meet with hers.  
  
"Vaughn?"


	4. The Convesation

I know I know...bad cliffhangers...sorry guys!...finally the actual conversation...here it goes:  
  
The Conversation  
  
"Vaughn?"  
  
"Hey Syd." After two hours of driving that's what he came I come up with? He scolded himself silently. "Can I come in?"  
  
She moved away from the door, "sure." Vaughn walked past her into her living room. He half expected to be surrounded with her old apartment but instead he was encircled with new furniture and picture frames. New books on the shelf and new pillows on the floor. Her soft voice broke the silence. "It's late, if everything okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I just--" he couldn't keep a steady tone and knew that she knew, "I was thinking about things and I needed to come here and just, just tell you something."  
  
"Okay," Sydney wasn't sure what she was preparing herself for but she motioned for him to sit down and she took a seat close to him but not too close. He stared at her looking for words in her chocolate brown eyes. "Vaughn, you're scaring me, what's the matter?"  
  
He knew time was up and he took a deep breathe and let his emotions loose, "Okay, here it goes. Syd, I know I've messed up. And I can barely live with how much pain I put you through. And just thinking about you hurting kills me and knowing I caused it, it's unbearable."  
  
Sydney recognized the hesitation in his voice and didn't question that he meant every word.  
  
"But despite that I still did it. But I think you need to understand when you died I did too. After I hit rock bottom with the drinking and hallucinations I just closed that part of my life. I tried as hard as I could not to think about you. When I was with Lauren it was easier. She was everything you weren't. When things started to get serious it was easier to lay in bed at night pretending it was you in my arms...but it wasn't. Syd I thought you were gone and I did my best to deal with that. But then you came back and..."  
  
His voice trailed off and Sydney tried to get a grasp on whether of not she should start to speak. After about a minute she took the plunge. But "Vaughn, it's okay." was all she managed to choke out.  
  
"No it's not Syd!" He didn't yell but the tone of his voice changed to frustration, not with her but with himself. "I gave up on us I gave up on you! You were going on missions and pretending to be someone else and I was getting engaged! I betrayed you and as much as I want you to forgive me I don't understand how you can. You're everything to me, I look into your eyes and I see meaning, I see the reasons why I'm here. I thought that I could save you from the pain in your life. I thought I could rescue you."  
  
Sydney was in tears. The man she loved was spilling his heart out to her and speaking the words she needed to hear but he was hurting, she could see it. The roles were reversed, she wanted him to be okay. "Vaughn," she spoke his name lower than a whisper but he heard it, he always heard it even when she didn't say it. "You did save me, you still save me."  
  
"How? I hurt you Syd. You're savior would never have done that."  
  
Sydney was genuinely confused. How would she explain she needed him too. That it was okay that he messed up, that she could forgive him. "You made a mistake. you thought I was dead Vaughn, I understand why you moved on."  
  
"But I don't," Vaughn whispered.  
  
"I don't even care about that anymore." Sydney thought they'd have to work through the past to get to the future but right now she just wanted him to hold her.  
  
"Sydney, I don't deserve you. You're...you're you, you're Sydney. Ever since the first night I met you I prayed I could keep you from as much harm as possible. You opened my eyes, I didn't know who I was till you came along, you gave my life meaning. what have I ever done for you?"  
  
Sydney was shocked, "Let's see, gotten shot, tortured, disobeyed your superiors, almost gotten fired, risked your life, broken the law, and about 100 other things. Vaughn you need to know that you mean just at much to me as I do to you. You say I gave your life meaning...well you brought me to life."  
  
"Syd, I never wanted to see you in pain. I can't forgive myself for putting you through that."  
  
"If you walk away and let this end because you don't think you're worthy of me that you'll secure the rest of my life in hell." She offered a slight smile to ease the tension of the heavy conversation.  
  
Her smile helped Vaughn feel better but her eyes were really what did it. He could see it in her tears, she still loved him, he still loved her. They were okay again, no they were them again.  
  
"Syd,"  
  
Sydney prepared herself for another confession of guilt and self- loathing. Instead Vaughn grazed his hand on her cheek bringing her eyes up to meet his. Throughout the conversation they'd moved closer to each other like gravity, "I love you. I never said that enough."  
  
Sydney blinked and tears streamed down her cheeks. She could see his resting in his green breathtaking eyes. "I love you too." She whispered it with more emotion than she's ever felt in her life.  
  
Vaughn gently pressed his lips into hers and they were together again. the kiss gradually grew deeper and the emotion between them was undeniable. She knew that her and Vaughn were just getting back on track and her next question was dangerous but she wasn't apprehensive. She knew that this was going to last and there was no reason to take things slow except for pride. With Vaughn she didn't need to put on andy facades or show her strength, he already knew. She pulled away for just a moment, "Vaughn?" he nodded never breaking eye contact, "Stay with me tonight?"  
  
"That would be a pretty hard offer to pass up," he smiled. they were joking again...just like two years ago. It was as if nothing ever changed. "of course I'll stay."  
Neither of them planned on making love but neither of them planned on stopping if it led there. They wanted each other and they needed each other. Neither of them would judge the other so they didn't care. They became one again.  
  
As they were laying in bed the clock reached 6am and Vaughn was still awake stroking Sydney's hair. "Syd?" the question she was waiting all night to hear, she was awake but didn't answer. He leaned down brushing his cheek against her skin and placing his lips the tiniest distance from her ear, "I love you. Goodnight" Sydney smile and fell asleep in his arms. Vaughn kissed her forehead and closed his eyes pulling her close to his chest. They were together again. They were no longer Sydney and Michael...they were Syd and Vaughn.

what do you think guys? continue? I have some ideas for other stories so I don't know if I should put it in this or leave it how it is....might be better to start a new story...tell me what you think...thanks!


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